Somewhere way back in my memory bank I remember being a little girl. A little girl with light blonde hair, a silly little smile, too tall for her age, yet so small there was still no better place than Mommy's arms. A little girl who even at that young age found my greatest enjoyment in observing others. My oldest memory was at the age of I am guessing 2. I know this because I know about how old I was when we moved to Montana and I met all my Aunts and Uncles for the first time. Well, the first time that I remember anyway. I remember my Mom having a conversation with my Aunt Jane in the upstairs "girls" room at my Grandparents farm. I very vividly remember pulling my head all the way back to look up at my Aunt and walking in circles around her completely mesmerized by her. I remember her quiet little laugh and asking my Mom, "what is she doing?" My Mom's reply, "I think she likes your long hair. She's never seen anybody with that long of hair before." And she was right. I remember just thinking she was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! She had the most beautiful hair I'd ever seen. As I grew I continued to think so and every Sunday when we would go to my Grandparents house for dinner I would spend time brushing her hair.
Memories are a beautiful thing. They take us back in time for just a moment to re-live a more carefree day. I often wonder as my children grow, what their earliest memory will be. Lord, I pray it's a good one. But have you noticed that when life gets tough, things are difficult, we are going through a traumatic time, or we're just simply having a bad day our brains know we need a "breathe escape", as I like to call them. Breathe escapes are those times where you can just for a moment, for a breathe, close your eyes and go back in time to something peaceful, something simple, something stress-free. A time when you didn't have the cares or the burdens that are currently weighing heaving and pushing down on your already tired and weak shoulders. It's almost like going to the gym, these breathe escapes give us strength. All in one single, deep, comforting breathe.
I don't know if you are a religious person or not. I am and I believe that the human body is the most, for lack of a better word, AWESOME creation to date and was created by God. It far surpasses any discovery or invention science and medicine has ever created. Every single piece of our bodies was designed so specifically and with such purpose. Ask any doctor or nurse and they will tell you that the human body in all it's parts and purpose is truly miraculous. Even our little breathe escapes. How great it is that when creating the human being God gave us a memory. He didn't have to but he did. He gave us a way to look back, that our brains can actually not just remember but visualize every detail of an event we wish to recall. And to find peace in those moments so that we can see that we too will get through this, this difficult thing that is lying right in front of us. I have a few "stand by" breathe escapes that my brain instantly recalls at a moments notice.
A lesson I learned during my pregnancies and subsequent labors of my three natural childbirths from my doula validates exactly what I am talking about. She told me to find a memory, a peaceful memory that made me feel good. During those contractions take yourself back to that place, that time, that moment. Think of every single detail of that event, every sight, sound, smell, taste and feeling. Describe it down to the smallest, most insignificant detail. It draws your focus away from the pain you are feeling at the time and brings you to a calmer, peaceful, comforting place. For me that time and that place was when my husband and I were very newly married. We went to a lake up in northern Minnesota Labor Day weekend. It was just he and I on the boat out in the middle of the lake fishing right at sunset. We had anchored the boat and were just sitting out there. There were no other boats around us so it was just the sounds of nature and the zing of line from our fishing poles casting into the water. There was a slight chill in the air as fall was fast approaching and summer was clearly over. The ever so slight breeze that brushed the stray strands of my hair against my face, the smell of the abundance of trees around us gracefully providing fresh air and oxygen into our bodies to rejuvenate. The sun slowly descending from the sky leaving the most beautiful array of colors; reds, pinks, orange, mixed with traces of blue that weren't quite ready to give up to the setting sun just yet. The smell of campfires off in the distance from fellow vacationers ready to welcome the evening with family and friends, enjoying it's warmth. The sound of the water gently lapping up against the boat as we swayed to nature's music. The sound of the loons providing the song for God's nightly lullaby. The occasional splash in the water from a fish jumping up to catch a brief glimpse of all this glory. That ever so sweet taste of being home, home to my beautiful landscape of God's pallet, Minnesota. All this grandeur of nature at it's finest surrounding us with a welcoming invitation to enjoy this moment with them. True peaceful, natural, priceless beauty there to ignite each and every one of our wonderful senses. Just describing it now brings me back to that place and I feel that familiar, wonderful sense of peace and comfort. I have used this moment so many times in my life I can recall each detail with a blink. And it's what gets me through a tough day, a painful moment, or a difficult time.
When you can do this, you find yourself in that moment. You find yourself, your strength, and what you are made of...in that one single moment. So I ask now, let's see who really reads my blog. What is that moment for you? Where is your peaceful place? What is your breathe escape? If you don't have one, find one. Let's see where it leads you. Take yourself away from all the titles that describe you (wife, husband, mother, father, child, student, doctor, artist, etc. etc. etc.) and find you, just plain ole peaceful, happy you.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Thoughts of a troubled mind late at night...
I am sitting here at 12:41am in my house, catching up on some newsletters my mom sent me, then poking around on facebook, all with a cup of coffee in my hand, and now I'm...blogging. Yeah, I know I'm a crazy nutcase. I have three kids to get up for school in the morning and I really should be sleeping. Most definitely I should not be drinking coffee but my mind won't turn off tonight.
As I was catching up on all these social mediums a question popped in my head. What do we spend our time on? Where do we spend our time? What are we doing with that ever so precious commodity, time? The ever elusive "more time" never seems to happen yet we spend so much time on useless, mindless activity. Let's take television for example, since it's been on my radar this week. It is insane how much time is spent in front of a television set, video game, computer, etc. In my house with my kids this is all lumped together and referred to as "screen time". I was curious on what the statistics are out there regarding just one of the screens, television. Here are some shocking statistics. By the way, for those researcher nuts out there that are going to question where I got these facts, this is from the A.C. Nielson Co.
Now, get this. To close out my stats, based on these findings and found in the same report it states this: Millions of Americans are so hooked on television that they fit the criteria for substance abuse as defined in the official psychiatric manual, according to Rutgers University psychologist and TV-Free America board member Robert Kubey. Heavy TV viewers exhibit five dependency symptoms--two more than necessary to arrive at a clinical diagnosis of substance abuse. These include: 1) using TV as a sedative; 2) indiscriminate viewing; 3) feeling loss of control while viewing; 4) feeling angry with oneself for watching too much; 5) inability to stop watching; and 6) feeling miserable when kept from watching.
I have to willingly admit that I have enjoyed my fair share of television in my day. And I still do enjoy watching certain shows on TV but as I've aged I've also come to a point where the whole thing is really starting to make me angry. I am not saying anything against any one company because truthfully, all the television providers are equally as successful at taking advantage of these statistics and using them to their advantage. They make a great deal of money, and they surely have made their fair share off me and my family. But, no more. We use to have the "Ultimate" plan. I have downgraded our plan now to the bare minimum, it doesn't even have a name nor is listed on their website as an offering, the plan I like to refer to as the Geo Metro Plan. As soon as our contract is up we will downgrade again to the Netflix plan, which I look forward to calling my Hallelujah Plan! Time to get away from the television.
Just think about those statistics for a moment. 9 years of a person's life is spent watching TV. Ask a person at the end of their life if they could get those 9 years back would they do it the same, would they spend those 9 years watching television? Or would they do something different with that time? I don't know if anyone reads these blog posts of mine since I only have one follower, my forever supportive friend Halle. But if you do, and just haven't told me, then you know I am a Mom. I have three kids, I'm married, and I have two dogs. I love my family so much sometimes it makes my heart pang at how lucky I am. Yes, I'll admit it, I even love my crazy dog Astro. I don't want to sit at the end of my life wishing I'd spent less time in front of the television and more time with them. What an awful regret that would be.
When we go, all the things we have we leave behind. You can't take it with you and it means nothing to you at that point. What you leave with is what you leave behind. Memories. Laughter. Hugs. Love. Reading a book. Playing a game. Snuggles. Conversations. Time. Time we spent together enjoying each other. Time we spent talking with our kids about their day, their concerns, their thoughts. They will remember how we made them feel. Something my Mom always said, "everything in moderation". The reality is that we will watch television. And, we will watch our stand-by shows together as a family and that's ok. But, we WILL work harder at finding new activities to do together that don't require a screen. When I am on my death bed, though we love the show Big Bang Theory they will not be thinking of one of the episodes. They will hopefully be thinking of how much they will miss all the time we spent together. Of course...I am kind of a nut. I might just have to make my last word on this earth "Bazinga".
As I was catching up on all these social mediums a question popped in my head. What do we spend our time on? Where do we spend our time? What are we doing with that ever so precious commodity, time? The ever elusive "more time" never seems to happen yet we spend so much time on useless, mindless activity. Let's take television for example, since it's been on my radar this week. It is insane how much time is spent in front of a television set, video game, computer, etc. In my house with my kids this is all lumped together and referred to as "screen time". I was curious on what the statistics are out there regarding just one of the screens, television. Here are some shocking statistics. By the way, for those researcher nuts out there that are going to question where I got these facts, this is from the A.C. Nielson Co.
- The number of hours of TV watched annually by Americans is 250 billion hours
- Value of that time assuming a mere $5 per hour wage is $1.25 trillion
- The average American watches more than 4 hours of TV a day.
- Assuming a 65 year life span that equates out to 9 years of a person's life is glued to the tube.
- Number of minutes per week that parents spend in meaningful conversation with their children: 3.5
- Number of minutes per week that the average child watches television: 1,680
- Percentage of day care centers that use TV during a typical day: 70
- Percentage of parents who would like to limit their children's TV watching: 73
- Percentage of 4-6 year-olds who, when asked to choose between watching TV and spending time with their fathers, preferred television: 54
- Hours per year the average American youth spends in school: 900 hours
- Hours per year the average American youth watches television: 1500
Now, get this. To close out my stats, based on these findings and found in the same report it states this: Millions of Americans are so hooked on television that they fit the criteria for substance abuse as defined in the official psychiatric manual, according to Rutgers University psychologist and TV-Free America board member Robert Kubey. Heavy TV viewers exhibit five dependency symptoms--two more than necessary to arrive at a clinical diagnosis of substance abuse. These include: 1) using TV as a sedative; 2) indiscriminate viewing; 3) feeling loss of control while viewing; 4) feeling angry with oneself for watching too much; 5) inability to stop watching; and 6) feeling miserable when kept from watching.
I have to willingly admit that I have enjoyed my fair share of television in my day. And I still do enjoy watching certain shows on TV but as I've aged I've also come to a point where the whole thing is really starting to make me angry. I am not saying anything against any one company because truthfully, all the television providers are equally as successful at taking advantage of these statistics and using them to their advantage. They make a great deal of money, and they surely have made their fair share off me and my family. But, no more. We use to have the "Ultimate" plan. I have downgraded our plan now to the bare minimum, it doesn't even have a name nor is listed on their website as an offering, the plan I like to refer to as the Geo Metro Plan. As soon as our contract is up we will downgrade again to the Netflix plan, which I look forward to calling my Hallelujah Plan! Time to get away from the television.
Just think about those statistics for a moment. 9 years of a person's life is spent watching TV. Ask a person at the end of their life if they could get those 9 years back would they do it the same, would they spend those 9 years watching television? Or would they do something different with that time? I don't know if anyone reads these blog posts of mine since I only have one follower, my forever supportive friend Halle. But if you do, and just haven't told me, then you know I am a Mom. I have three kids, I'm married, and I have two dogs. I love my family so much sometimes it makes my heart pang at how lucky I am. Yes, I'll admit it, I even love my crazy dog Astro. I don't want to sit at the end of my life wishing I'd spent less time in front of the television and more time with them. What an awful regret that would be.
When we go, all the things we have we leave behind. You can't take it with you and it means nothing to you at that point. What you leave with is what you leave behind. Memories. Laughter. Hugs. Love. Reading a book. Playing a game. Snuggles. Conversations. Time. Time we spent together enjoying each other. Time we spent talking with our kids about their day, their concerns, their thoughts. They will remember how we made them feel. Something my Mom always said, "everything in moderation". The reality is that we will watch television. And, we will watch our stand-by shows together as a family and that's ok. But, we WILL work harder at finding new activities to do together that don't require a screen. When I am on my death bed, though we love the show Big Bang Theory they will not be thinking of one of the episodes. They will hopefully be thinking of how much they will miss all the time we spent together. Of course...I am kind of a nut. I might just have to make my last word on this earth "Bazinga".
Friday, February 8, 2013
Happy Birthday to an amazing woman...my Mom.
Well, it's now officially February. This year is already flying by. I remember someone telling me when I was a teenager that the older we get the faster time flies. As a teenage know-it-all, I thought that was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. It's the same amount of time, how can it go by faster. Aaaahhhh, I hate egg on my face. Good thing I am getting older, memory is slipping, and I don't remember the wise person who said that so I can't put my size 11 foot in my mouth and apologize.
February is a great month though right? For most it's an exciting month because it's the love month. That wonderful tradition of showering the one you love with gifts, flowers, or cards. My mom's a florist people, SEND FLOWERS! I love Valentines Day also. I didn't always like it though, like when I didn't have a special someone to share it with and had to be my Mom's delivery person delivering all the beautiful flowers to others. Yeah, didn't care for that much. But, it still ended up ok. I would come home from a long delivery day to the biggest flower arrangement you have ever seen, filled with all my favorite flowers. From my Mom.
I am always reminded of this great holiday because there is another great holiday that follows it just two days later, the day the most beautiful woman in the world was born. My Mom. February is her month. I know that there are a lot of really great moms out there and I mean no offense to anyone but...I have to tell you that I really think I hit the jackpot and got the best one of all. Yes, I'm sure you'll disagree with me because you have a great mom too, and that's ok. That just means there are a lot of awesome moms out there doing what they do and loving without end. But if you don't mind, I'd like to share with you just a taste of what it has been like having my mom, what I love about her, and why I want to celebrate her this month.
When my brother and I were young Mom was always that soft, comforting touch. She worked tirelessly for us. She did things that in large part are unheard of today. Everything was made from scratch. Though I didn't appreciate it at the time, we never had a school lunch. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times Rick and I would convince her to let us buy lunch at school. She would get up early and hand make our lunch with all that she thought was good for us, but always provided a little treat in there as well. Probably a homemade cookie or the like. She'd also include little notes to us in our lunch, she'd make up a poem, say something funny to make us laugh, or just a simple "I love you". She handmade all our clothes. School shopping for us was a trip to what Rick fondly referred to as the "terial store". I was in 7th grade before I got my first pair of store bought jeans! She made everything she could.
My favorite, and most memorable, Christmas was the year I got a doll house. It wasn't the doll house as much that made it so amazing for me. It was what she filled it with that blew me away. She handmade every single piece of furniture to fill that doll house up completely. Couches, beds, chairs, tables, even linens for the beds, etc. She would work on them after Rick and I would go to bed at night. Each was made out of foam, fabric, and whatever else she could find to really deck it out. I cannot imagine, now, how much time she put in to it all. She would also make me and my dolly, Baby Jane, matching dresses.
She taught us how to plant a garden, tend that garden, and relish in the fruit it produced. Again, at the time I didn't appreciate that either. My least favorite job as a kid was "struting beans". We had a pretty HUGE garden so it was not a quick job. Oh, but to have some of those beans today on my table would be divine. She taught us to respect and appreciate nature. She still does today. She can find the beauty in the most unassuming piece of nature, remind you that it was all created by God, and how amazingly lucky we are that he gave us all that to appreciate and enjoy.
She never yelled. She didn't have to. Truthfully I don't know that she even knows how to. All she had to do was look at us, that look on her face of sheer disappointment, like we'd just damaged her heart. We pretty much snapped back into place with that look. Ok, there was the "rare" occasion that we tested her resolve. She still didn't yell, just very calmly told us, "Rick and Sandy that's it. If you don't behave I'm going to have to tell your dad." Yep, it was all business then. We'd pushed her to her breaking point and you really didn't want to go past that!
Supportive. I can't think of a better word to describe her from the deepest point of her. She let us carve our own paths. She let us make mistakes. No, she didn't always like it and she sure wasn't shy about sharing her thoughts on it. But in the end, she let us choose. And here's the most amazing thing, even when she didn't agree with our choices she let her opinions go and just supported us. Never once, I mean not even once, have I ever gone a day in this life without knowing she had my back. Still to this day, she is my strongest cheerleader with the loudest voice. For those of you who know my Mom you know how funny that statement is. She does not have a loud voice, go back to the fact that she doesn't know how to yell.
As Rick and I have grown, gotten married, and started our own families her love and support has grown with us. Our kids are truly in love with their Grandma. There was a time when my Mom was home taking care of all six of our kids, not one over the age of 5 so that we could go out and work. She didn't want us to have to send our kids to daycare. The things she would do for those kids. There really is no childcare provider out there that does what she would do with those kids. Now that she lives far away from us, I always tell people when my Mom comes to visit these grandbabies of hers, she leaves a trail of tears behind her that stretch from here in Houston, Texas all the way to Billings, Montana where she lives.
Smart. Yep, she is a smart little whipper snapper. Salutadictorian in High School. Creative. Man, she has more creativity in her little pinky finger than most have in their entire body. A flower is beautiful all on it's own. But, when she arranges them she takes their beauty to a whole new level. Even God would be impressed at how she can improve on his creation of them.
I don't know hardly a soul who can say a bad word about her. That is so rare when you think about it. She'll do anything for anyone if she can. She's always thinking of others before herself, even in her darkest hours. As a kid I saw this and always knew this. As an adult, and a mom myself now, I appreciate that quality in her so much and truly admire her.
I think she was even Prom Queen. I have a picture of her somewhere sitting on this fancy chair wearing a cotton candy pink, full length prom dress, hair all up in those 60's curls, a beautiful crowns on her head, and bright shiney eyes so full of life and promise. She was soooo beautiful! I use to love looking at that picture when I was a kid hoping that someday I could be as pretty as her. I wanted to be just like her. Turns out I'm more like her sister Jeanie. But hey, it's all in the family right? When I think back to that picture now I think of all that she has had to go through in her life. She's had to endure so much. Unbelievable hurt and pain. Watching her home burn to the ground. My Grandpa loosing his arm, she has often said that was the most traumatic moment in her life. Then loosing him, her hero. The pain of loosing her Mom and then two brothers. Hurt and pain that is far too personal to even put down in words for all the world to hear.
She's getting older now. When I look at her and see those lines starting to form on her still so soft, sweet face I see badges of honor not lines. Each one is a badge of honor and should be worn as such. Through it all she has not lost those bright shiney eyes full of life and promise. I see them every time she hugs one of her now 7 grandbabies. I see that light in her every time she walks in to church ready to soak up all that God has to give her. I see it every time she is in her element creating beauty with God's nature, flowers. I see it even in that sheepish smile she gets when someone gives her any credit and she hates the attention. And most of all, I see it in her voice when she tells Rick and I how proud she is of us and who we've become.
She is the most amazing woman I know. Full of strength, more than she gives herself credit for. Full of love, for her kids, grandkids, and anyone she calls a friend. Full of faith, willing to scar her knees in prayer for anyone, and I mean anyone, who needs it. She's not perfect, but to me I think she's pretty close to it. They say there are angels among us here on earth. I thing she's one of God's greatest angels and I am sooooo lucky he picked her to be my Mom. I love you Mommy all the way to God and back. Thank you for all you do, all you are, and all you've taught me. Thank you for being the bestest Grandma for my kids.
I read something yesterday, "How does God show you how much he loves you through others?" I think he must really love me because he gave me you. My Mom, my cheerleader, my confidant, and my best friend. I wish you the most amazing birthday month ever this year Mom! Happy Birthday!
February is a great month though right? For most it's an exciting month because it's the love month. That wonderful tradition of showering the one you love with gifts, flowers, or cards. My mom's a florist people, SEND FLOWERS! I love Valentines Day also. I didn't always like it though, like when I didn't have a special someone to share it with and had to be my Mom's delivery person delivering all the beautiful flowers to others. Yeah, didn't care for that much. But, it still ended up ok. I would come home from a long delivery day to the biggest flower arrangement you have ever seen, filled with all my favorite flowers. From my Mom.
I am always reminded of this great holiday because there is another great holiday that follows it just two days later, the day the most beautiful woman in the world was born. My Mom. February is her month. I know that there are a lot of really great moms out there and I mean no offense to anyone but...I have to tell you that I really think I hit the jackpot and got the best one of all. Yes, I'm sure you'll disagree with me because you have a great mom too, and that's ok. That just means there are a lot of awesome moms out there doing what they do and loving without end. But if you don't mind, I'd like to share with you just a taste of what it has been like having my mom, what I love about her, and why I want to celebrate her this month.
When my brother and I were young Mom was always that soft, comforting touch. She worked tirelessly for us. She did things that in large part are unheard of today. Everything was made from scratch. Though I didn't appreciate it at the time, we never had a school lunch. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times Rick and I would convince her to let us buy lunch at school. She would get up early and hand make our lunch with all that she thought was good for us, but always provided a little treat in there as well. Probably a homemade cookie or the like. She'd also include little notes to us in our lunch, she'd make up a poem, say something funny to make us laugh, or just a simple "I love you". She handmade all our clothes. School shopping for us was a trip to what Rick fondly referred to as the "terial store". I was in 7th grade before I got my first pair of store bought jeans! She made everything she could.
My favorite, and most memorable, Christmas was the year I got a doll house. It wasn't the doll house as much that made it so amazing for me. It was what she filled it with that blew me away. She handmade every single piece of furniture to fill that doll house up completely. Couches, beds, chairs, tables, even linens for the beds, etc. She would work on them after Rick and I would go to bed at night. Each was made out of foam, fabric, and whatever else she could find to really deck it out. I cannot imagine, now, how much time she put in to it all. She would also make me and my dolly, Baby Jane, matching dresses.
She taught us how to plant a garden, tend that garden, and relish in the fruit it produced. Again, at the time I didn't appreciate that either. My least favorite job as a kid was "struting beans". We had a pretty HUGE garden so it was not a quick job. Oh, but to have some of those beans today on my table would be divine. She taught us to respect and appreciate nature. She still does today. She can find the beauty in the most unassuming piece of nature, remind you that it was all created by God, and how amazingly lucky we are that he gave us all that to appreciate and enjoy.
She never yelled. She didn't have to. Truthfully I don't know that she even knows how to. All she had to do was look at us, that look on her face of sheer disappointment, like we'd just damaged her heart. We pretty much snapped back into place with that look. Ok, there was the "rare" occasion that we tested her resolve. She still didn't yell, just very calmly told us, "Rick and Sandy that's it. If you don't behave I'm going to have to tell your dad." Yep, it was all business then. We'd pushed her to her breaking point and you really didn't want to go past that!
Supportive. I can't think of a better word to describe her from the deepest point of her. She let us carve our own paths. She let us make mistakes. No, she didn't always like it and she sure wasn't shy about sharing her thoughts on it. But in the end, she let us choose. And here's the most amazing thing, even when she didn't agree with our choices she let her opinions go and just supported us. Never once, I mean not even once, have I ever gone a day in this life without knowing she had my back. Still to this day, she is my strongest cheerleader with the loudest voice. For those of you who know my Mom you know how funny that statement is. She does not have a loud voice, go back to the fact that she doesn't know how to yell.
As Rick and I have grown, gotten married, and started our own families her love and support has grown with us. Our kids are truly in love with their Grandma. There was a time when my Mom was home taking care of all six of our kids, not one over the age of 5 so that we could go out and work. She didn't want us to have to send our kids to daycare. The things she would do for those kids. There really is no childcare provider out there that does what she would do with those kids. Now that she lives far away from us, I always tell people when my Mom comes to visit these grandbabies of hers, she leaves a trail of tears behind her that stretch from here in Houston, Texas all the way to Billings, Montana where she lives.
Smart. Yep, she is a smart little whipper snapper. Salutadictorian in High School. Creative. Man, she has more creativity in her little pinky finger than most have in their entire body. A flower is beautiful all on it's own. But, when she arranges them she takes their beauty to a whole new level. Even God would be impressed at how she can improve on his creation of them.
I don't know hardly a soul who can say a bad word about her. That is so rare when you think about it. She'll do anything for anyone if she can. She's always thinking of others before herself, even in her darkest hours. As a kid I saw this and always knew this. As an adult, and a mom myself now, I appreciate that quality in her so much and truly admire her.
I think she was even Prom Queen. I have a picture of her somewhere sitting on this fancy chair wearing a cotton candy pink, full length prom dress, hair all up in those 60's curls, a beautiful crowns on her head, and bright shiney eyes so full of life and promise. She was soooo beautiful! I use to love looking at that picture when I was a kid hoping that someday I could be as pretty as her. I wanted to be just like her. Turns out I'm more like her sister Jeanie. But hey, it's all in the family right? When I think back to that picture now I think of all that she has had to go through in her life. She's had to endure so much. Unbelievable hurt and pain. Watching her home burn to the ground. My Grandpa loosing his arm, she has often said that was the most traumatic moment in her life. Then loosing him, her hero. The pain of loosing her Mom and then two brothers. Hurt and pain that is far too personal to even put down in words for all the world to hear.
She's getting older now. When I look at her and see those lines starting to form on her still so soft, sweet face I see badges of honor not lines. Each one is a badge of honor and should be worn as such. Through it all she has not lost those bright shiney eyes full of life and promise. I see them every time she hugs one of her now 7 grandbabies. I see that light in her every time she walks in to church ready to soak up all that God has to give her. I see it every time she is in her element creating beauty with God's nature, flowers. I see it even in that sheepish smile she gets when someone gives her any credit and she hates the attention. And most of all, I see it in her voice when she tells Rick and I how proud she is of us and who we've become.
She is the most amazing woman I know. Full of strength, more than she gives herself credit for. Full of love, for her kids, grandkids, and anyone she calls a friend. Full of faith, willing to scar her knees in prayer for anyone, and I mean anyone, who needs it. She's not perfect, but to me I think she's pretty close to it. They say there are angels among us here on earth. I thing she's one of God's greatest angels and I am sooooo lucky he picked her to be my Mom. I love you Mommy all the way to God and back. Thank you for all you do, all you are, and all you've taught me. Thank you for being the bestest Grandma for my kids.
I read something yesterday, "How does God show you how much he loves you through others?" I think he must really love me because he gave me you. My Mom, my cheerleader, my confidant, and my best friend. I wish you the most amazing birthday month ever this year Mom! Happy Birthday!
Friday, February 1, 2013
Parenting is like football...
Being a parent is such a hard job. It truly is the hardest, most gut wrenching job I have ever done in my entire life! Ok, so I realize that we all have had a difficult job at one time or another in our lives. Maybe you have a really high stress job, loads of responsibilities, and a number of people that are depending on each and every decision you make. Agreed, that is difficult and can be gut wrenching. But parenting.....now that's a whole different ball game.
That's your child. It's not like in a job where you make a mistake and you might get written up for it. Worst case scenario, they fire you. Yeah, that can pretty much suck. But, make a mistake as a parent and you can sometimes feel as though you've scarred this child for life! I remember fondly when my first child was born. She was laying in my arms, umbilical cord still attached, all naked...and perfect. I remember my husband and I just staring at her completely awe-struck by this little miracle laying in my very tired and very weak arms. First, in all honesty, I was staring at her whole little body thinking "How did she fit in there?" (I did not have little babies) and "Wow! We made that!?" and "Oh crap! She came outa there...not going to even ask what my va-ja-ja looks like after this." But then came this set of overwhelming feelings. Feelings of complete, I felt so complete holding her in my arms. Feelings of responsibility, a responsibility I'd never experienced like this before. Feelings of overwhelming thankfulness. How did I get to be so lucky to have this. And last, but most definitely not least, I looked at this little person that I just met. We only met a minute or two ago, yet I felt something I'd never felt ever before. I knew that without a thought or a question or even a blink of an eye, I would willingly lay my life in front of a moving train if it meant it would save hers. That's being a parent. That's a whole lotta emotion to experience after 9 months cookin' in the oven and 23 1/2 hours of labor. My husband so sweetly kissed me and through the tears in his eyes he said, "Now we're a family". It was such an amazing, unparalleled moment in our lives. I looked up at Gerry with more love than I'd ever experienced with him before and said, "She's perfect. God made her absolutely perfect. ...It's only us that can screw her up now."
And, that's parenting. Every decision, every thought, every discipline, every breathe taken is done with such purpose. Bear with me a minute. See, I love football. And, since it is Super Bowl weekend it's of course on my brain. In football, creating a team to make it to the Super Bowl is very planned out. Each play, each coach, each trainer, each player has to be at the top of their game for a full 18 weeks. They can't just take a slack-off game day and decide not to play. Well...some do...I won't mention any names (Randy Moss) who thinks he can pick and choose when he's going to participate...can't stand that guy. Ok, I digress. Point is they all have to work together, like a well orchestrated machine, working in tandem for the ultimate prize. That's parenting! Each decision is a player, each thought is a coach, each discipline is a play, each breathe is a trainer. And you have to do it every single minute of every single day of every single year for the rest of your life! There are no slack off days being a parent. We don't get to be Randy Moss!
Now, I'm not implying that we are perfect. Heck, there's no football team to make it to the Super Bowl that is perfect either. There are some times that no matter how bad they want it, things don't go their way and they loose a game. Or there is a player that is just completely off their game that day, despite their best efforts, and they get hurt or have to get pulled and the 2nd string comes and fills in. Thank God sometimes for the 2nd string! And that holds true for football and parenting. We don't always hit the mark with decisions we make or disciplines we have to hand down. But come on, you know you agree with me on this one. We all KNOW when we've hit the mark. Yesterday was just that for me.
My daughter, my oldest, came home from school having had an issue in school that brought her to tears. After my Mama Bear Claws came out and I was able to count to 10, calm down, and slowly pull them back inside I had a Prized Mama Moment. Folks, I am not being boastful of myself here. Well, ok, I'm lying. Yes I am! But I'm not ashamed of that and I don't feel I should be. I have plenty of not-so-prized mama moments I gotta celebrate when I really hit the mark. I did something that gave my child comfort, made her feel good, and incorporated our value system all in one little act. I think what impressed me the most was that I thought of it all on my own. My Mom had nothing to do with it and I didn't steal the idea from someone else. That, my friends, is a rarity. And at the end of the day, I felt good. I felt like I did a good mommy job yesterday. It inspired me want to do a good mommy job today, albeit I woke up late and as a result hubby and kiddos missed half of Donuts with Dad at school this morning. But hey, they all made it and it proves once again that I am not perfect. I will never be a perfect mommy. But, I will celebrate when we've won a game and are that much closer to the Super Bowl of Raising Children.
See the thing is, and now you will understand so much about me, I am a Minnesota fan. I love the Twins and I love the Vikings. We're still waiting for a Super Bowl berth for my Vikings but my Twins have shocked the heck out of Major League Baseball and won the World Series a time or two. But more than that I am a parent. I have been given these three amazing kids with the Super Bowl being that at the end of it all they grow to be kind, caring, loving, faithful, happy people and that they can look back when they are parents and realize that we did alright. We made it to the Super Bowl because we helped them to be that! They will raise their children striving for their Super Bowl berth just like we did and the cool thing is they will have the all the tools to do so. And we....we will sit back, spoil their kids and watch them from our rocking chairs on the front porch saying, "well I guess we didn't screw them up soooo bad". We will watch from our armchairs at them striving for their Super Bowl. We will hold hands, rocking in our chairs, smile and think of the old days all while wearing our Super Bowl rings.
That's your child. It's not like in a job where you make a mistake and you might get written up for it. Worst case scenario, they fire you. Yeah, that can pretty much suck. But, make a mistake as a parent and you can sometimes feel as though you've scarred this child for life! I remember fondly when my first child was born. She was laying in my arms, umbilical cord still attached, all naked...and perfect. I remember my husband and I just staring at her completely awe-struck by this little miracle laying in my very tired and very weak arms. First, in all honesty, I was staring at her whole little body thinking "How did she fit in there?" (I did not have little babies) and "Wow! We made that!?" and "Oh crap! She came outa there...not going to even ask what my va-ja-ja looks like after this." But then came this set of overwhelming feelings. Feelings of complete, I felt so complete holding her in my arms. Feelings of responsibility, a responsibility I'd never experienced like this before. Feelings of overwhelming thankfulness. How did I get to be so lucky to have this. And last, but most definitely not least, I looked at this little person that I just met. We only met a minute or two ago, yet I felt something I'd never felt ever before. I knew that without a thought or a question or even a blink of an eye, I would willingly lay my life in front of a moving train if it meant it would save hers. That's being a parent. That's a whole lotta emotion to experience after 9 months cookin' in the oven and 23 1/2 hours of labor. My husband so sweetly kissed me and through the tears in his eyes he said, "Now we're a family". It was such an amazing, unparalleled moment in our lives. I looked up at Gerry with more love than I'd ever experienced with him before and said, "She's perfect. God made her absolutely perfect. ...It's only us that can screw her up now."
And, that's parenting. Every decision, every thought, every discipline, every breathe taken is done with such purpose. Bear with me a minute. See, I love football. And, since it is Super Bowl weekend it's of course on my brain. In football, creating a team to make it to the Super Bowl is very planned out. Each play, each coach, each trainer, each player has to be at the top of their game for a full 18 weeks. They can't just take a slack-off game day and decide not to play. Well...some do...I won't mention any names (Randy Moss) who thinks he can pick and choose when he's going to participate...can't stand that guy. Ok, I digress. Point is they all have to work together, like a well orchestrated machine, working in tandem for the ultimate prize. That's parenting! Each decision is a player, each thought is a coach, each discipline is a play, each breathe is a trainer. And you have to do it every single minute of every single day of every single year for the rest of your life! There are no slack off days being a parent. We don't get to be Randy Moss!
Now, I'm not implying that we are perfect. Heck, there's no football team to make it to the Super Bowl that is perfect either. There are some times that no matter how bad they want it, things don't go their way and they loose a game. Or there is a player that is just completely off their game that day, despite their best efforts, and they get hurt or have to get pulled and the 2nd string comes and fills in. Thank God sometimes for the 2nd string! And that holds true for football and parenting. We don't always hit the mark with decisions we make or disciplines we have to hand down. But come on, you know you agree with me on this one. We all KNOW when we've hit the mark. Yesterday was just that for me.
My daughter, my oldest, came home from school having had an issue in school that brought her to tears. After my Mama Bear Claws came out and I was able to count to 10, calm down, and slowly pull them back inside I had a Prized Mama Moment. Folks, I am not being boastful of myself here. Well, ok, I'm lying. Yes I am! But I'm not ashamed of that and I don't feel I should be. I have plenty of not-so-prized mama moments I gotta celebrate when I really hit the mark. I did something that gave my child comfort, made her feel good, and incorporated our value system all in one little act. I think what impressed me the most was that I thought of it all on my own. My Mom had nothing to do with it and I didn't steal the idea from someone else. That, my friends, is a rarity. And at the end of the day, I felt good. I felt like I did a good mommy job yesterday. It inspired me want to do a good mommy job today, albeit I woke up late and as a result hubby and kiddos missed half of Donuts with Dad at school this morning. But hey, they all made it and it proves once again that I am not perfect. I will never be a perfect mommy. But, I will celebrate when we've won a game and are that much closer to the Super Bowl of Raising Children.
See the thing is, and now you will understand so much about me, I am a Minnesota fan. I love the Twins and I love the Vikings. We're still waiting for a Super Bowl berth for my Vikings but my Twins have shocked the heck out of Major League Baseball and won the World Series a time or two. But more than that I am a parent. I have been given these three amazing kids with the Super Bowl being that at the end of it all they grow to be kind, caring, loving, faithful, happy people and that they can look back when they are parents and realize that we did alright. We made it to the Super Bowl because we helped them to be that! They will raise their children striving for their Super Bowl berth just like we did and the cool thing is they will have the all the tools to do so. And we....we will sit back, spoil their kids and watch them from our rocking chairs on the front porch saying, "well I guess we didn't screw them up soooo bad". We will watch from our armchairs at them striving for their Super Bowl. We will hold hands, rocking in our chairs, smile and think of the old days all while wearing our Super Bowl rings.
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